Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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