chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I sprained my soul last night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
