I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
