the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
