I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
