I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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