Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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