I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
