Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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