5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize