Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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