hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The ass gains better be worth it
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