Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
