You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm too high and old for this...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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