hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
