I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize