I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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