I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
