His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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