i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
