i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
