I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
