You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
