the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize