This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
