i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
