and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
