Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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