Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
