dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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