I need help removing her.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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