I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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