we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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