I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
