i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
