he wants to bone in the snuggie
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
