Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
