Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want a musical about memes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
