yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My bed smells like the plague
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
