Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
