So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
