I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
