oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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