I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
