Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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