you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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