He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
