I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
