i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
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