Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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