Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize