shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
