Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
