I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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