this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
