Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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