it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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