He told me they were just razor bumps!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I believe in your delicious
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
