you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
