Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
