genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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