i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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