Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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