I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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