I just pynch a tree in the face
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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