I'm jealous of your bromance
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
