You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
