I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
