I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize