things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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