well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
