dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
